lately, i feel like i've been holding it together with kite strings and sealing wax. there are nights when i crash from trying so hard all day long.
trying to smile, trying to laugh
trying to lead, trying to motivate, trying to make good decisions
trying to listen, trying to share
trying to be a friend
trying to be
happy
it's raining today, and i don't have the strength to try.
i sat in my morning meeting and said nothing.
i looked at this empty page and wrote nothing.
i listened to the words you said and i said
nothing.
i'm not just being quiet
i'm avoiding saying what needs to be said.
and if i say the words that you need to hear,
i fear that they will only be washed away by the
rain.
Showing posts with label five minute friday. Show all posts
Showing posts with label five minute friday. Show all posts
Friday, September 23, 2011
Friday, September 16, 2011
five minute friday
i've got to tell you something. i hope it's not too startling.
i don't have a bucket list.
nope. no checklist of things i need to accomplish. no tick marks next to things i've done. no master plan for fitting it all in (no idea, really, what "it" really is).
surprising? i am a pretty steadfast maker of lists: shopping lists, to-do lists, review lists, packing lists... i'm sort of addicted to them, truth be told. but the quintessential bucket list has eluded me thus far.
i'm seeing "bucket lists" everywhere these days. it's back to school time: here are 10 MUST TAKE PHOTO-OPS for your child! it's Autumn: here are 15 Fall activities you don't want to miss! traveling: here are 5 destination you must see! you just had a baby: here are 10 pictures you MUST take on baby's first day!
really? REALLY??
i am all for living, and creating traditions, and recording memories. but at what point does the bucket list become less a "list" and more of a "script?" i'll tell you when. right about the time i start to hyperventilate because there are no apple orchards around here for me to schedule a mid-Autumn photo shoot.
Friday, September 09, 2011
five minutes for friday
you think you know me...
but do you?
(start)
i try my best to portray the "real me" on my blog and in my other "faceless" social media accounts. i might use a little concealer here and there, or apply an especially glossy lip stick when i feel like i need a little pick me up. but for the most part, what you read is what you get.
in real life...
i like to wake up early and enjoy an hour by myself
i like to stay up late and enjoy an hour by myself
i love to decorate for the holidays, but i hate clutter
i am a fanatic about sweeping my floors, but i hat to vacuum
i never have extra money to spend. ever.
i drink my coffee black, and am never tempted to buy "frilly" coffee shop drinks.
i am generous with hugs for my little man, but not so much with adults.
i like where i am now, but know that this is not where i will live forever.
i want you to think i am thick skinned, but i'm really quite sensitive.
i hate to talk on the phone, but will "chat" with you all hours of the day.
i love receiving compliments, but need to remind myself to give them.
i don't like anything that is artificially banana flavored.
especially strawberry banana yogurt.
(end)
hope you have a great weekend!! (you can have my serving of strawberry banana yogurt!)
but do you?
(start)
i try my best to portray the "real me" on my blog and in my other "faceless" social media accounts. i might use a little concealer here and there, or apply an especially glossy lip stick when i feel like i need a little pick me up. but for the most part, what you read is what you get.
in real life...
i like to wake up early and enjoy an hour by myself
i like to stay up late and enjoy an hour by myself
i love to decorate for the holidays, but i hate clutter
i am a fanatic about sweeping my floors, but i hat to vacuum
i never have extra money to spend. ever.
i drink my coffee black, and am never tempted to buy "frilly" coffee shop drinks.
i am generous with hugs for my little man, but not so much with adults.
i like where i am now, but know that this is not where i will live forever.
i want you to think i am thick skinned, but i'm really quite sensitive.
i hate to talk on the phone, but will "chat" with you all hours of the day.
i love receiving compliments, but need to remind myself to give them.
i don't like anything that is artificially banana flavored.
especially strawberry banana yogurt.
(end)
hope you have a great weekend!! (you can have my serving of strawberry banana yogurt!)
Friday, March 25, 2011
five minute friday
start
there's reggae music playing somewhere in the hotel. it's winding it's way under the door that separates my office from the laundry area. all morning it has buoyed my spirits, and i wonder: is summer so far away?
my desk faces a window, from which i have a view. not a great view (part of a parking lot, part of the road, a glimpse of the Italian restaurant across the way). i can see the Quiznos that struggles for business due to a poorly designed intersection. i see the Bojangles that is under construction next to it, and i wonder: will drivers find the temptation to eat Cajun inspired fast food to be greater than the temptation to eat toasted subs?
it's sunny, but breezy and cooler than it's been this week. the smell of wildfires burning well to the north of us is heavy in the air, and i wonder: do other people find the smell of woodsmoke to be as comforting as i do?
Spring, and it's pollen, are heavy in the air. daffodils and azaleas polka dot the landscape. i'm looking forward to the first soccer practice tonight, fun weekend movies with my boys, my next run...
and i wonder: can it really be this simple?
stop
there's reggae music playing somewhere in the hotel. it's winding it's way under the door that separates my office from the laundry area. all morning it has buoyed my spirits, and i wonder: is summer so far away?
my desk faces a window, from which i have a view. not a great view (part of a parking lot, part of the road, a glimpse of the Italian restaurant across the way). i can see the Quiznos that struggles for business due to a poorly designed intersection. i see the Bojangles that is under construction next to it, and i wonder: will drivers find the temptation to eat Cajun inspired fast food to be greater than the temptation to eat toasted subs?
it's sunny, but breezy and cooler than it's been this week. the smell of wildfires burning well to the north of us is heavy in the air, and i wonder: do other people find the smell of woodsmoke to be as comforting as i do?
Spring, and it's pollen, are heavy in the air. daffodils and azaleas polka dot the landscape. i'm looking forward to the first soccer practice tonight, fun weekend movies with my boys, my next run...
and i wonder: can it really be this simple?
stop
Friday, March 18, 2011
five minute friday
start
i don't like to wait. i don't like to wait for people, for holidays, for deliveries from the UPS truck. i don't like to pace the front porch waiting for the mail delivery. i don't like to view the long march of days until the BIG DAY (whatever that day may be.)
i am the one who is in the car waiting when i told the family we had to leave ten minutes ago. i am the one who is awake an hour before the alarm sounds. i am the one who refreshes the website that shows the number of page views on my blog.
i get antsy.
and peevish.
and, quite frankly, not so fun to be around.
i used to tolerate waiting more. i savored it, actually. i reveled in the march of black Xs along a row of days on the calendar. but now, like so many of my generation, i am "instant gratification girl." i don't want to think about it. i don't want to plan it. i want it and i want it now...
please don't make me wait.
stop
i don't like to wait. i don't like to wait for people, for holidays, for deliveries from the UPS truck. i don't like to pace the front porch waiting for the mail delivery. i don't like to view the long march of days until the BIG DAY (whatever that day may be.)
i am the one who is in the car waiting when i told the family we had to leave ten minutes ago. i am the one who is awake an hour before the alarm sounds. i am the one who refreshes the website that shows the number of page views on my blog.
i get antsy.
and peevish.
and, quite frankly, not so fun to be around.
i used to tolerate waiting more. i savored it, actually. i reveled in the march of black Xs along a row of days on the calendar. but now, like so many of my generation, i am "instant gratification girl." i don't want to think about it. i don't want to plan it. i want it and i want it now...
please don't make me wait.
stop
Friday, March 11, 2011
five minute friday
start
how do i know when i am loved?
i feel loved when all is calm and quiet.
i feel loved in the moments of peace that seem so hard to come by.
but those are easy answers.
you know when i don't feel loved?
i don't feel loved when i have to do laundry.
i don't feel loved when i come home from work and the house is dirtier than when i left it.
i don't feel loved when i have to take care of someone who is sick.
i don't feel loved when my scheduled gets changed at the last minute.
i don't feel loved when there's not enough money left over after bills for pedicures and cute new clothes.
i don't feel loved when harsh words are said.
i don't feel love when i say harsh words.
it's hard for me to feel loved (or to give love) in the daily grind of days. it's hard for me to feel loved when i want to feel bitter.
but the daily grind must go on, and i must continue to love, and be loved.
so i find love in notes and letters.
in blog posts and tweets.
in song lyrics.
laundry be damned.
stop
how do i know when i am loved?
i feel loved when all is calm and quiet.
i feel loved in the moments of peace that seem so hard to come by.
but those are easy answers.
you know when i don't feel loved?
i don't feel loved when i have to do laundry.
i don't feel loved when i come home from work and the house is dirtier than when i left it.
i don't feel loved when i have to take care of someone who is sick.
i don't feel loved when my scheduled gets changed at the last minute.
i don't feel loved when there's not enough money left over after bills for pedicures and cute new clothes.
i don't feel loved when harsh words are said.
i don't feel love when i say harsh words.
it's hard for me to feel loved (or to give love) in the daily grind of days. it's hard for me to feel loved when i want to feel bitter.
but the daily grind must go on, and i must continue to love, and be loved.
so i find love in notes and letters.
in blog posts and tweets.
in song lyrics.
laundry be damned.
stop
Friday, February 18, 2011
five minute friday
START
I am a friendly person. I have a wonderful smile and an "open" personality. But I can be:
A bit standoffish at times.
A bit opinionated at times.
A bit petty at times.
A bit lonely at times...
I feel like I don't "do" friendship very well. Especially with other women. Don't get me wrong - I know many women. And I am friendly with many women. But, that's an entirely different thing, isn't it?
I grew up in a household of four girls, and we are all friends, though sometimes we are more distant than others. They are my blood, my family, the women I've cried to, and screamed at. And the women I've sometimes treated silently. I've shared some secrets with them. I've voiced some dreams to them. Some. But not all.
And it is this way with most women with whom I think I would be friends. There is a point at which I stop sharing. A barrier I prefer to keep in place. My safety zone.
I like you. And I'm friendly. But, will I be your friend?
Can I be your friend?
STOP
visit The Gypsy Mama for more Five Minute Friday inspiration
I am a friendly person. I have a wonderful smile and an "open" personality. But I can be:
A bit standoffish at times.
A bit opinionated at times.
A bit petty at times.
A bit lonely at times...
I feel like I don't "do" friendship very well. Especially with other women. Don't get me wrong - I know many women. And I am friendly with many women. But, that's an entirely different thing, isn't it?
I grew up in a household of four girls, and we are all friends, though sometimes we are more distant than others. They are my blood, my family, the women I've cried to, and screamed at. And the women I've sometimes treated silently. I've shared some secrets with them. I've voiced some dreams to them. Some. But not all.
And it is this way with most women with whom I think I would be friends. There is a point at which I stop sharing. A barrier I prefer to keep in place. My safety zone.
I like you. And I'm friendly. But, will I be your friend?
Can I be your friend?
STOP
visit The Gypsy Mama for more Five Minute Friday inspiration
Friday, February 11, 2011
five minute friday
START
something's come over me. it's this feeling that i've had for a while now, and one that cannot be ignored.
it's time. it's time to dust things off. and shake things up.
what does that mean? i'm not quite sure. if you're a reader, you have undoubtedly noticed that over the past few years, the content has changed (not to mention the times that there hasn't actually *been* any content). when i wrote my first post for amuse-bouche, i was younger. i had a younger child. i was half as far into my marriage as i am now.
and i was so happy! and excited! and creative! i cooked and baked and crafted and took pictures of all of it and shared them with you. i pored over your blog posts and families and crafts and pictures, as well.
it was awesome. i made new friends and grew my circle. it was all very bright and shiny. and i was thrilled to be a part of it
but, now. now it's different.
and not in a way that i can name.
i've been hiding from my blog. heck, i've been hiding from ME.
and? that's all about to change...
STOP
something's come over me. it's this feeling that i've had for a while now, and one that cannot be ignored.
it's time. it's time to dust things off. and shake things up.
what does that mean? i'm not quite sure. if you're a reader, you have undoubtedly noticed that over the past few years, the content has changed (not to mention the times that there hasn't actually *been* any content). when i wrote my first post for amuse-bouche, i was younger. i had a younger child. i was half as far into my marriage as i am now.
and i was so happy! and excited! and creative! i cooked and baked and crafted and took pictures of all of it and shared them with you. i pored over your blog posts and families and crafts and pictures, as well.
it was awesome. i made new friends and grew my circle. it was all very bright and shiny. and i was thrilled to be a part of it
but, now. now it's different.
and not in a way that i can name.
i've been hiding from my blog. heck, i've been hiding from ME.
and? that's all about to change...
STOP
Friday, February 04, 2011
five minute friday
START
Most of you know, I live in Tiny Town. i live in a place that doesn't have a mall, that doesn't have a Chick-Fil-A, that doesn't have a Target. that doesn't have a Starbucks.
i live in Tiny Town by choice, and i don't regret the decision to move here... most of the time. i like the feeling of safety that comes when you know the local political officials and law enforcement agents. i like the feeling of community that develops when you decide to build a playground with your sister. i like that i can text the school principle when i need information.
but i don't like the lack of privacy. i don't like the backdrop that has become insanely dull. i don't like the small mindedness of many people that i work & play with.
and i really, REALLY don't like the lack of shopping opportunities.
STOP
Most of you know, I live in Tiny Town. i live in a place that doesn't have a mall, that doesn't have a Chick-Fil-A, that doesn't have a Target. that doesn't have a Starbucks.
i live in Tiny Town by choice, and i don't regret the decision to move here... most of the time. i like the feeling of safety that comes when you know the local political officials and law enforcement agents. i like the feeling of community that develops when you decide to build a playground with your sister. i like that i can text the school principle when i need information.
but i don't like the lack of privacy. i don't like the backdrop that has become insanely dull. i don't like the small mindedness of many people that i work & play with.
and i really, REALLY don't like the lack of shopping opportunities.
STOP
Friday, January 21, 2011
Five Minute Friday
START
this mornining i knocked out day 20 of Jillian Michael's infamous Shred workout. Day Twenty. twenty days of getting up 45 minutes earlier than usual, twenty days of jumping jacks in a darkened house, twenty days of sniffling and not-so-silently cursing the trainer from hell.
and... twenty days of feeling better than i have in YEARS!!
i didn't really intend to blog about this particular journey of mine, but five minute friday seems to be the perfect platform this little shout out to the person who has been fueling my resolution to get more fit. tomorrow morning, i will attempt Level 3 (i purposefully haven't peeked at it yet... i'm pretty sure that would be my downfall.) and then i will go for a run, because, who knew? the stronger my legs and core become, the more i am enjoying running again!
i'm also counting calories and drinking a gazillion ounces of water every day. and i'll admit, i'd really like to have that "Biggest Loser" breakthrough moment on the scale. i'm still waiting... but in the meantime: see you tomorrow, Jillian!
STOP
this mornining i knocked out day 20 of Jillian Michael's infamous Shred workout. Day Twenty. twenty days of getting up 45 minutes earlier than usual, twenty days of jumping jacks in a darkened house, twenty days of sniffling and not-so-silently cursing the trainer from hell.
and... twenty days of feeling better than i have in YEARS!!
i didn't really intend to blog about this particular journey of mine, but five minute friday seems to be the perfect platform this little shout out to the person who has been fueling my resolution to get more fit. tomorrow morning, i will attempt Level 3 (i purposefully haven't peeked at it yet... i'm pretty sure that would be my downfall.) and then i will go for a run, because, who knew? the stronger my legs and core become, the more i am enjoying running again!
i'm also counting calories and drinking a gazillion ounces of water every day. and i'll admit, i'd really like to have that "Biggest Loser" breakthrough moment on the scale. i'm still waiting... but in the meantime: see you tomorrow, Jillian!
STOP
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