Tuesday, October 21, 2008

spt



100 things about me, #21

i tend to forget to share my vision of things

how badly did i want to skip over this one? is there any way to sum up this statement in a self-portrait?!?

i am a dreamer, a visionary! i am proud of those words, yet i also recognize the inherent drawback of being a person who deals with end results, and not so much the steps it takes to get there.

part of my struggle is that my visions are beautiful, complex, sometimes expensive, important. of course, important. and perfect. did i mention perfect?? i often feel paralyzed by the importance, the hugeness of my visions. my mind literally reels with the first step, then the what-ifs, then the and-alsos, the but i coulds and the maybe i shoulds... and finally, too often, the why bothers?

my visions are so vivid in my mind, i am often quite startled when they don't come to pass. or come to pass quite differently than how i had imagined. you see, i have my end results spinning around in my imagination, packaged with a bow and ready to be filed away in the part of my brain that is reserved for great successes!! never mind that it will probably take many steps and much help to attain the end result i desire. my *helpers* will simply get caught up in my tide of enthusiasm, and make it happen!

or, will they?

when matty and i attended a pre-marriage course, the one take-away i actually took away was the minister's not-so-gentle reminder that our spouses are not mind readers. and we should not expect them to be. oh, this is easier said than done, for me. and not just with matty. but with everyone, it seems. it is a constant struggle for me to include those around me in the process, even when i expect them to be the process.

i hate that i struggle with this. i hate that it creates a ton of stress for me, and for those around me. i suppose this may be a form of self-defense (what if nobody likes my idea? what if i fail?) is it really easier to weather those self-doubts alone? i'm sure not. and, yet...



33 comments:

michelle said...

This is so great, Lelly. Yet another testament to the power of spt in helping us to be introspective, and fleshing out our online personas for our blog friends! Love the photo as well.

Amber Grannis said...

That was an awesome SPT, Lelly! I definitely need reminding that everything in life, especially my goals and dreams (that I want to see come to fruition NOW) is a p-r-o-c-e-s-s. Now if I can just convince myself to relax and enjoy the journey.

Laurie said...

i can relate to you totally, especially as we are in the throes of a remodel project.

doesn't it somehow help to excavate a thought or statement like this? you did it very well.

Dacia said...

What, people can't read my mind! :) It's so true that we need to include people on what's going on inside. Thanks for letting us inside your mind for a post! I know how you feel.

Courtney said...

enjoying the journey is something that is tough for me also...and seriously, i really think mind readers would be a wonderful thing...come on! keep dreaming, keep believing, keep sharing...you are an inspiration :)

Lene said...

Wonderful SPT.
I am always so frustrated when I feel like those around me are not on the same page as me. Of course I have never even shared the book with them, so how could they possibly be on the same page! Oh and the fact that a couple of them can't even read and find joy in tearing the pages out of the book cause problems too. :)

carlo said...

we are such soul mates.

i relate, all to well. as highlighted by my word for the year.

i feel your pain, friend.

BUT, you are amazing...on many levels. I hope you know that, as well...

carlo said...

ps- how glad am i that 21 is an easy one for me. working on it right now...

amy m said...

I love your quote on your side bar by carl rogers. It's seems to fit perfectly with your SPT.

I fought this for a while myself and I can say that the including does get easier the more you do it and before you know it your on the same page. Keep going, don't stress, and remember in life you cannot fail...you only learn.

Janet said...

um...does begging DH to read my blog count as trying to keep us on the same page???

Sarah said...

Why do I realize others can't read my mind, yet I still don't express to them my feelings or wants. It is a constant struggle for me. You are such a beautiful writer who puts things so well.

The monkey bunch said...

I so have the same problem. My ideas are so grandiose and so perfect that most of them never do get done- like those thank you cards for my sons birthday part- that was in May!!

Kelly said...

I think you're brave not to have switched this one out -- very introspective this time. You know you're our very own blog therapist, don't you? So many times SPT has surprised me with how I have to examine myself to get it done.

I'm much the same way, so I really sympathize here. Would a little digital readout on the forehead have been too much to ask?

Neighbor Jane Payne said...

Oh my, I've read some great writing this morning. I so agree with Michelle's comment "the power of spt in helping us to be introspective, and fleshing out our online personas for our blog friends" and your, "you see, I have my end results spinning around in my around in my imagination, packaged with a bow and ready to be filed away in the part of my brain that is reserved for great successes!"

Great articulation, Lelly. I don't know what you had pictured when you started this post, but you surely said it well.

Michelle @ A Happy Heart said...

I love your thoughts on your SPT lelly! Thanks for sharing!

Janiece said...

I totally relate your your post!

Katie A. said...

I also have grand dreams and plans. My difficulty is that my plans are always simple, and I have lots of "this should only take a day" projects. Things are never that easy, though, and I get very frustrated when it can't just be easy like I thought.

Liz said...

I love the what-if's, the and-also's, the but I could's, the maybe I should's and the why bothers. I think everything can become greater with more and more thought. Of course, this could lead to disaster, but the first time through a process is tough, the second time might lead to a new thought to make things smoother, the third time, your a pro!!!

Great thoughts, Lelly!!!

Lucy said...

I think this may be my favorite post of yours. I love sharing and this is so honest - it tells a lot about you. Thanks for trusting us.

Amy said...

Oh Lelly. I so get what you're saying in this post. My mom accuses me (rightfully!) of writing my own scripts in my head, not showing them to anyone, then getting mad when they don't follow the right stage directions or (heaven forbid!) forget their lines. I love the flat out humility of this post and think you're fantastic for so many reasons.

Becky said...

You are inspiring, Lelly! Thank you for sharing this great post. It is introspective and well-written and honest. Being able to tell people our vision is such a skill--and it takes a lot of work. Keep at it! You are amazing!

Kim Sue said...

wow! what a great post and oh so true about my life too. I have gotten better about expressing why I am "aggrevated" about a situation because my husband was tired of me storming out of the room, slamming doors and retreating to the back of the house.

mommy nurse said...

Great post! I think you just read my mind! BTW, I love the Oct challenge it is really a fun one! thanks for being so creative!

Chris said...

I can so relate to this. How insightful. I still expect people to read my mind. Why can't they just see? I have to remind myself that the DH can't read my mind.:-)

Missy :o) said...

love what the preacher said!! so true!

Jeanette said...

Love it! You're so funny.

Melanie said...

Lelly, I have been out of the loop - apparently I have too much fun in the summer to blog - do you have an ongoing challenge right now?

Melanie said...

sorry, I found it, just a little slow!

Amanda L. said...

I can completely relate to this as well. T and I took a marriage class and we learned the importance of owning your words. Don't drop hints, just ask. It is something I still work on...but it's a process.

I am an end results person as well...so this was very interesting for me to read. I love coming every week to see your brilliance!

wende said...

oh man, i think you struck a chord! look at all these people who can relate, i'm definitely one of them! i always forget to include everyone else around me, especially rich, in on the thought process! i am and end result seer and i too get caught up in how perfect i want it to be! i always end up hating the bow that i tied or the dumb container i found. what's my deal? i also relate and agree that it's self defense. sometimes it is easier to fail alone, or it seems that way because then we only let down ourselves. i'm not sure that's really true but i definitely relate. this post is all about relating!

thanks for sharing, this was a great post lelly!

Scott said...

has facebook stolen you away?

(ps- am i the only person not on facebook?)

carlo said...

oh that last one was me!!!! i now know how people somehow post on other accounts by accident. OOOPS!!

:)

Jill said...

That premarriage class mind-reader info would have been useful for me years ago! Maybe someone should put that on a billboard as a public service announcement.