Thursday, March 13, 2008
this was the scene on the drive to work this morning, fog sitting low over the lake, blue skies just above, yet just out of reach.
sort of a mirror of my mind this morning.
i've been working a lot of evenings the past two weeks. touching base with the *old* me, the one who used to be a guest service representative most nights, from 3 - 11 pm. touching base with the guests, many of whom have been visiting our hotel since we opened 8 years ago. laughing and joking with them, catching up, WOW-ing them with my uncanny ability to be a great customer service person. (this is something that makes me *extra* special - i've just been out of touch with it for a while...) i love feeling connected with the hotel, with my teammembers, with my guests.
only, i am terribly disconnected from my family.
i hate that working evenings is wreaking havoc with my home life. the *old* me didn't mind coming home after a long night, scarfing down some leftovers, catching the late news, falling asleep after 1 a.m.
i hate that my family doesn't function as well when i'm not home. i hate that jack stays up too late, homework left until the next morning. i hate that taylor eschews dinner, and holes up in her bedroom with a bowl of cereal. i hate that matty makes only half-hearted attempts at all of the things i do each evening. i hate coming home to dirty dishes in the sink, while the dishwasher sits empty, waiting. i hate that the porch light is not on to greet me when i finally creep home. i hate the late news.
there, i've said it. i often look for concrete evidence that my house would not run as efficiently without me. i hate that that evidence is the detritus of my families' lives lying in piles of dirty dishes and yesterday's junk mail.
i'm foggy. i don't like the bitter feelings i'm having about my family. tonight, i will be home. ironically, no one else will be there. but i'm looking forward to some quiet, some time to reclaim my home from my family. i will get some sleep. the fog will burn off.
it will, won't it?