spt

On Sunday, it was for fun. So much fun, that I knew I needed it to be a little more permanent.

On Tuesday, I did just that.

twenty eleven

i was just wrapping up my journal writing for the year, and i reread last year's words. it's no secret that 2010 was a crappy year for me. i was waxing about how the pendulum seems to swing between good years and bad years. in short, i finished last year with one request... for the pendulum to swing back. well, 2011 was better. so much better. but, i've gotta tell you. the pendulum didn't merely swing back as much as i PUSHED it back with every fiber of my being. and i honestly didn't mind the hard work1

1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before? ran SEVEN races!
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? i don't know that i planned to make a resolution for 2011. but on the night of January 1st, in response to a tweet from a stranger, i peeled myself off of the sofa, where i had been lounging in pajamas all day, got on the scale and had a mini meltdown. on January 2nd, i downloaded The 30 Day Shred, and I honestly never looked back. I was having the resolution conversation with a friend earlier, and it occurred to me that, for the first time in my adult life, i merely have to "continue" doing the good things i started doing this past year. and that, my friends, feels very, VERY good!!
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? my niece, Danielle, was born in March
4. Did anyone close to you die? my grandfather, Pop-Pop
5. What countries did you visit? can i just rewrite this question?!? let's talk about the fun places i went in THIS country: Asheville, D.C., Charlottesville, Orlando, Philly and New York were the highlights.
6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011? the courage to make the really big changes
7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? December 31st, when i walked out my front door and ran 10 miles. i will remember this because of the really bad sports bra rash ;) 8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? running. losing weight. blogging every day of September. changing my life.
9. What was your biggest failure? missing the wedding of a great friend. and neglecting my blog every month but September.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? no!
11. What was the best thing you bought? the iPad
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? is it okay to say mine?
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? any adult who ever took advantage of a child in their care
14. Where did most of your money go? new running shoes (two pairs!), race entry fees, our trip to NY 15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? i got really, really, really excited about getting "fitted" for running shoes.
16. What song will always remind you of 2010? Beautiful Trash (Lanu), Closer to the Edge (30 Seconds to Mars), Kiss Me Slowly (Parachute), Lost in You (Three Days Grace), New York Groove (Ace Frehley), Whenever (BEP)
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? 
b) thinner or fatter? 
c) richer or poorer? Happier, thinner, richer. it feels incredibly good to be able to say this!
18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Traveled
19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Complained
20. Did you fall in love in 2011? Yes
21. What was your favorite TV program? Parenthood.  Please pass the tissues.
22. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? i liked someone less
23. What was the best book you read? Born to Run
24. What was your greatest musical discovery? Anything from Australia, thanks to a new friend!
25. What did you want and get? great running shoes, a new 10 year journal
26. What did you want and not get? i am lucky to be able to say "nothing"
27. What was your favorite film of this year? The Muppet Movie
28. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? i turned 42 in my hometown of Greenport, NY with some of my oldest and dearest friends
29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? meeting my friends who live in my phone
30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010? Old Navy
31. What kept you sane? running. counting calories. working out. texting.

 i really have no complaints about 2011. i feel good! i look good! i am surrounding myself with good people. the possibilities for 2012 are endless, and i can't wait for all the good to continue. i hope the same for each and everyone of you! xo

the view from back here

yesterday, i ran a race. it was my fifth race of 2011!! i have even registered for one more this year, which will make a total of 24 miles raced this year. now, i realize that some of you run all 24+ of your miles in one race. however, i find that if you spread those miles out over several races, you don't have to spend as much time in the ice bath afterwards. and? you end up with more race tee shirts!!

i took on a 10K trail run. now, i've run a 5K trail race and i've run a 10K road race, but i'd never combined the two before. it was definitely a challenge, given that this trail had a decent elevation, and eleventy billion roots and vines to avoid. i trained for it as best i could, averaging about 16 miles per week and setting my sights on a conservative, yet still challenging, pace.

now this would be a good time to remind you that i am not a fast runner. i really am okay with this - i recognize that my body is built for endurance and stamina, not speed. my running goals have never been to win the race. my running goals have always been to run each race just a little bit faster than the one before. the only other competitor in that particular race is me. and truly, i believe that no matter where you are in the standings, NOTHING beats the feeling of just crossing the finish line.

i'm always at the back of the pack, and that's really okay with me. but yesterday i got to experience something new. yesterday? i finished dead last.

last place!! the very last person to finish the race!!

can you imagine?

i knew from the start that i would probably finish in the back. this was a small race, and as i glanced around the other runners assembling at the start, it became pretty obvious that this pack was made up of Serious Runners. i'll admit, there was a moment when i considered just getting in my car and taking off. heck, i'd already picked up my tee shirt from the registration area. who would be the wiser?

but i really wanted to run this race. it didn't take too much of a self pep talk to get myself to the starting line. when you're not worried about "winning," it's a lot easier to just run. and so, i did.

and i finished dead last. but? i finished!! and i ran that race at the exact pace i wanted to run. and i felt strong and athletic. and i learned a few things along the way:

1) when you are in last place, you don't have to worry about running through any spider webs, because every other runner has already done that for you.

2) when you are in last place, you don't have to worry that your running attire isn't as fashionable and trendy as the other runners, because after you leave the starting corral, you will never see them again.

3) when you are in last place, you don't have to worry about someone saying "passing on the left" from behind you on the narrow trail.

4) when you are in last place, and you hear something crashing through the woods behind you, you don't have to question whether it's another runner or the Blair Witch. (obviously it's the Blair Witch, since all of the other runner's are already ahead of you!)

5) when you are in last place, you can really enjoy the scenery.

6) when you are in last place, the race volunteers really REALLY cheer you on!!

7) when you are in last place, everyone will know who you are!

i finished the race thirteen minutes behind the person who finished in front of me. by the time i reached the water and orange slices at the finish, most of the 5K runners had gone home. the other 10K runners were entertained with a raffle, but i'm sure many of them were ready for me to finish so the official results would be posted.

while they were handing out awards, i stretched and hydrated and gave myself a little pat on the back for finishing strong. so, imagine my surprise when i heard my name called across the PA system.



turns out, i won first place in my age group!! now, i was the ONLY person in my age group. but you know what, it still felt REALLY great!!

dead last. you should try it some time!!

thank you

thank you for a month of reading while i mused.

thank you for your comments, and for taking the time to reconnect with me. i wish i had found the time to respond to all of you who stopped by!! i will find time to keep making connections with you.

thank you for your suggestions as i tried to capture thirty days of me. thank you for putting up with my lists. thank you for reading between the lines.

the past few years have found me struggling to keep up with amuse-bouche. i might have lost my own muse for awhile. in fact, just a month ago, i might have thought that blogging every day of September was an overwhelming challenge. but it was a challenge i was evidently ready for, because here we are, thirty consecutive posts later.

truth be told, i've been having fun blogging again! it's crazy! ridiculous, even!!

or, a-hem, riDQulous



yes, i might have been incented to complete this little challenge. but if suffering through a DQ blizzard is the price i have to pay for falling in love with my blog again, then i'll take one for the team!!

in fact, Blizzards all around!!

THANK YOU!! keep coming back. i'll be here waiting for you.

L'Shana Tova

For some, it is the New Year today. and although it is not holiday that i celebrate as part of the religion i identify with, i am drawn to the idea of celebrating the New Year. right now. i'm not waiting until January.

so when i was thinking of what i might like to set as a goal for this New Year that i'm adopting, i had to go back and read what i'd set as my goals ten months ago when 2011 rolled around.

2011 rushed past me in a heartbeat as a read those words. i can't say i've made the decisions i needed to make, nor do i have some of the answers i was looking for. i can say that i have created and shared, and yes, even loved.

and i have met people. people who have impacted my life significantly.

after i blinked back a few tears, remembering (and even mourning) the past few months a bit, i went back to look at that post. "dear 2011" was the blog post i wrote and published on January first. but there was something more, i realized. sitting quietly in my drafts folder was another post; a chiaroscuro that has colored my year, lights and shadows, changing... yet still.

the words i wasn't ready to publish.

What you saw as falling apart was actually things falling into place. You're now set for the future you are meant to have.

a quote? a fortune? i can't be sure. but there it was, waiting for me to come back to it tonight, as i sit here embracing the though of another New Year.

things are falling into place.

to a sweet New Year.
l'shana tova.

new beginnings. but first...

today's suggested blog topic is "new beginnings." i'm not entirely sure where this is going to go. i'm pretty certain, though, that in order to talk about new beginnings, i need to give you a little history first.

the time: twelve years ago
the place: atlanta, ga

i had just returned to the ATL from a week long vacation along the southeastern coast of north carolina. it was actually a week long plus a day and a half, because we were having so much fun, we didn't want to go home. it was july 5, 1999.

i was, at the time, halfway through an eighteen month engagement. most of my time was preoccupied with working, traveling (for work), planning a wedding and trying to decide what the heck to do after the Big Day. living in atlanta had been ten years of fun, but honestly, i was over the rat race. i was over the singles scene. i was over the traffic. i knew that one of our first major "married" decisions would be deciding where to live. even though we were still ten months away from the Big Day, i think we both had atlanta squarely in our rear view mirror by then.

the opportunity presented itself to us to join my family for a week long vacation at the beach. my most recently married sister and her husband had moved to southport shortly after their wedding in october '98. eight months later, they were eager to welcome us to their little corner of heaven. southport is the home of The North Carlina 4th of July Festival, and we had scheduled our visit to coincide with the week long activities.

and active we were! there was swimming and beach combing. we went to concerts laden with Sousa marches. we hit up the carnival for cotton candy and cheap thrills. we ate ice cream under street lights draped with red, white and blue bunting. we rode bikes to the local breakfast joint. by the middle of that week, some of the locals were even calling us by name.

needless to say, we fell in love with this little corner of heaven. we spent the seven hour drive home making the sorts of plans that about-to-be-married couples make: how soon could we move? what would our first house look like? we would spend our days working, but we swore we would always find time to laze about in the rolling ocean waters. sure, some of our plans were fanciful (we will open a bed & breakfast with a small restaurant on the grounds!), but the plans were falling into place: within the span of one year, we would be married, and residents of southport.

it's important to keep in mind that, at this point, it was 1999. we did not have cell phones. we did not have email. we couldn't google. when we left our apartment to drive to north carolina, we essentially put our lives on hold for the week. no one could track us down. no one needed to track us down. we were, quite literally, unplugged. needless to say, one of the very first things i did after returning from our star spangled vacation, was to check my voicemail. (i almost said "answering machine." i'm pretty sure that by then, we had at least upgraded to automatic voicemail on our home phone line.)

there was a message from a mentor of mine, a man who had taught me the restaurant business with such care and with such passion that i knew i was meant to spend my career in the service/hospitality industry. his path had taken him to a corporate gig, where he was a recruiter for a large restaurant chain. there was a training position available, and he thought of me. he encouraged me to apply, set up a phone interview for me and did a really good job of promoting the company.and he very cautiously told me that the job would require relocation.

to apple valley.
minnesota.

and, you guys? that wasn't the deal breaker you might think it would have been. the thought of living in the frozen tundra did not scare me as much as i expected! i was more hesitant about moving so far away from my family. fourteen HUNDRED miles away from my family, to be exact.

but there was southport. there was this little corner of heaven that had welcomed us with apple pie and homemade ice cream, with flags waving, with parades and band concerts. there was the seven hour drive home in which we had penciled out the first years of our marriage as they would play out along the Cape Fear River.

there was the fact that i didn't get the voicemail about minnesota until after i had spent a week swimming in the Atlantic Ocean.

i filled out the application. i snuck home on a lunch break to sit cross-legged on my bed for the phone interview. i used the internet at work to learn what i could about this restaurant chain and it's headquarters in apple valley.

but my heart was already in north carolina...

behold, the power of...

so, my dear friend, carlo, wants to know:
What are your fave blogging/social media things that have happened since you started?

i love this topic!! and, i'll start right off by saying that carlo is absolutely one of my fave blogging things!! but, more on that later...

here are just some of the wonderful, amazing things that i've experienced since hopping online five years ago:

one of my all-time favorite, and one of the first, blogging activities that really got me excited about being on-line was self-portrait tuesday. now i realize that there are lots of versions of self-portrait blogs out there now, some include memes, some include linkies, some don't even happen on tuesdays. but the particular version that happened right here on amuse-bouche every week was an amazing connection between women (and some men), all over the world! while i haven't been able to dedicate the time i once did to sending out self-portrait challenges, i have really tried to remain true to the tuesday self-portrait. in fact, some months, that's all i manage to blog!!

soup swap is another one of my favorite things, and one that i would not have known about if i hadn't been blogging in 2007. you can read about my first ever swap right here. although i missed last year, the making and the swapping of the soups continues to be one of my favorite social activities (and it sure helps break up the monotony of the winter doldrums here in tiny town!)

i have had the great pleasure of meeting some of my on-line friends, and it is oh, so refreshing and fun to spend time with people who previously lived only in my computer! the first time i got to meet some fellow bloggers, i was headed to New Orleans for a Hampton Inn conference. in what turned out to be THE BEST weekend of my life, i flew to Louisiana with the promise of a place to stay and a picture of my hostess. you should read about my adventures with natasha and carlo and hoop! from that first tentative greeting at the airport, to the tear-felt farewall after tea, it was hands down, the best weekend of my adult life! here's to you, my fellow green waves!!

a year later, i was able to spend a weekend with a friend from high school when i went off to dallas. if it weren't for the power of Facebook, kristi and i would have NEVER reconnected. she has single-handedly brought me back into the red, white and blue fold of Wootton High School alumns, and i am eternally happy about that.

i've had some pretty incredible experiences via Twitter, as well. in the fast paced world of 140 character limits and ever morphing Time Lines, i have been wowed by one-on-one "conversations" with Jillian Michals, Jim Cantore and Keith Olbermann. i've also gotten to see Michael Franti in concert: once in Myrtle Beach (thanks, Kris and Chris!) and once in Melbourne, Australia(thanks, Rob!)

i also landed on the front page of the Life section of USA Today because of a request that went out over Twitter for people who "still" use handwritten journals in this day and age of digital memory making. (yes, in addition to the blogging and facebooking and the tweeting, i still write in my bedside journal every single day!)

i even stumbled upon tony hawk in the middle of the woods, not fifteen miles from my own home!

exploring the world of social media has brought the world to my doorstep, quite literally. i have sent and received Good Mail. i have enlisted on-line friends to go on a scavenger hunt, of sorts, as they tracked down the neighborhood Santa Claus of my childhood (thanks, teri!) i have gotten fit and lost weight, because i've held myself accountable to all of those of you who are getting fit and losing weight on your own journeys (#workthatass2011!!) i have tried countless new recipes and crafted amazing things.

most importantly, and the thing for which i am eternally grateful, is that i have met the most incredible people!! you inspire me. you encourage me. you bring me to tears and you get me to laugh out loud. you make me want to be the best writer i can be. the best friend i can be. when you reach out to me with your blog comments, your pokes and your Pins, your DMs and your phone calls, i am the happiest girl in this corner of the internet.

thank you!! all of you!!

it's in the bag

day 25, and i am soliciting topics for this last week of every day blogging. tonight, i am so excited to show you the contents of my purse:



1) four sets of keys (car, hotel, random key ring that has all of my shopping cards on in, and one key ring with various family members keys on it
2) my little blue pill case, which i keep stocked with Advil liqui-gels
3) about eight almost empty tubes of lip gloss
4) plastic baggie with one of jack's teeth in it (don't ask)
5) compact mirror (often used for checking for poppy seeds or green smoothie remnants)
6) wallet that has my checkbook (yes, i still write checks sometimes!)
7) receipt for the tire i had to buy on friday (@#%^!)
8) packing list for my trip to Orlando next week
9) my "real wallet"
10) jack's iPod shuffle. wonder when he'll miss it?

not too bad, if i do say so myself. i carry a really small bag, so it's hard to get carried away with too much junk truth be told, i hate carrying a purse. it's usually just the thing that holds my phone.

what do you think? am i missing anything important?

still blogging after 23 days

24 straight days of blogging is a lot!! i find myself searching for things to write about that will be interesting to read about. (i have also, apparently, given up on the rule that you can't end a sentence with a preposition.)

anyway... i'm bound and determined to get a post blogged for today, yet i'm lacking the inspiration needed to get it started. we all know what happens now... oh, yes! it's a list!!

without further ado, to celebrate 24 straight days of blogging, here are 24 things you may (or may not) know about me (in no particular order):

1. i've been blogging for almost five years, yet most of you don't know my real name
2. i blogged a lot more before i stumbled upon facebook and twitter
3. i am the oldest of four girls. it's not always easiest to be oldest
4. i was born and raised in new york, and i now live in north carolina
5. i will never consider myself "southern," although i don't think i'm a "new yorker," either
6. i don't want to live in north carolina anymore. well, at least in tiny town
7. Fall is my favorite time of year
8. i always light a pumpkin spice candle on september first
9. even if it's 90 degrees outside
10. i have met my best and closest friends on the internet
11. i don't have any tattoos, but i plan to get one soon
12. i've recently lost 51 lbs and need a new wardrobe
13. i would love to find the perfect pair of brown boots
14. i manage a hotel, yet find it hard to relax on vacation in a hotel
15. i'm finding it challenging to write a post that is longer than 140 characters
16. it is hard for me to be friends with other women. i'm usually "one of the guys"
17. this summer, i did cartwheels on the beach at sunset. just because.
18. last week, i ran 20 miles
19. i drink my coffee black. in the Fall (only) i will drink flavored coffees
20. i want to go to Australia
21. or minnesota
22. i have become a big fan of SkinnyGirl margaritas
23. and green smoothies
24. i have to leave you now for Alec Baldwin on SNL

good night!

throwback thursday

when i was in the fourth grade, i was in a gang. we were very exclusive. we were very protective of our turf. we had secrets and a special handshake. (wait, did we?) the other fourth grade girls cowered in the front of the bus when we wore our Colors...

*crickets*

okay, so fine. i wasn't in a gang. i was in a club.

but we were really cool! and we wore these:



our turf was the back row of the bus. remember when school buses had backward facing seats? well, we towered above the other elementary school students when we wore our matching shirts on Fridays, lined up across the back of the bus, facing forward, knees pressed against the seats to keep us upright. man, we were rebels!!

we sat together at lunch. we had sleepovers at each others' houses. we went to Patio Pizza and talked to boys!! we hung out at the roller skating rink and looked intimidating. we performed in all of the school talent shows.

so you think YOU can dance? you should have seen The Firebirds!

i can still smell the iron-on press at the Shirt Shack, where we went to have our tee shirts made. i can still feel the amazing warmth of inclusion that i felt when i stepped onto the bus, knowing that my place was held for me in the back. i can still dance... i still enjoy a good talent show.

yes, i still have the shirt. and i love the fact that jack's godmother is a Firebird! i may not ride the back of the bus anymore, but i'm so thankful for my friends who faithfully saved my seat there.

long may she wave

since january, i've run, oh... a couple thousand miles. (that sounds unbelievable, really.) i'm still liking it, so i guess that means i'm looking forward to the next couple thousand.

i've run all of them outside, and almost without exception, in my own neighborhood. that means i run on public roads. a lot. we don't have sidewalks, so i run on the shoulder, facing oncoming traffic, head up and alert.

and as i run (bounce, shuffle) along, i throw up my hand and wave at everyone i pass.

sometimes my wave just means, "Hi!"
sometimes it means, "I see you coming, don't worry."
sometimes it means, "I don't have a lot of room here, so please move over."

and sometimes it just means, "What? My face is supposed to be this red!! Don't worry about me! I promise I'm not going to pass out in front of you!!"

now, i've run these roads for eight and a half months now. one day i might pass three cars the entire time, and other days i might pass thirty. every once in while, i'll encounter someone watering their lawn, or walking their dog. and every so often, i'll come upon another runner. i wave at them all (mostly, you know, so i don't scare them with my beet faced huffing puffing shuffle). and i gotta tell ya: nobody's waving back!

it's okay, really. i don't take it personally. i take that back. i did take it personally when that one guy not only didn't wave, but also seemed to grip the steering wheel a little tighter in an effort to avoid giving me any more space on the road.

but it would be nice to get a little recognition from time to time. hey! we're all out here together. let's look out for each other! i'm not asking you to talk to me or anything. (in fact, please don't talk to me. i need to save every precious breath!)

but maybe just a little wave; lift your fingers off the steering wheel a little bit. a nod of the head? something? heck, if i can muster the energy to throw up my hand after five or six miles, the least you can do is reciprocate. at least i'll know you see me and won't be running me off the road.

do you wave back? would you wave at me? i promise i won't pass out in front of you!

more than words

i've been haunted by a song recently. you know when that happens... you catch an older song on the radio, and you think, "ahhhhh, i remember that song," or, "i remember when that was popular," or, "that reminds me of Mark Campbell.*"

*names changed to protect the innocent

and then, you hear that song three or four more times in a fairly short time frame, and all of a sudden it's annoying and you remember why you forgot about that song long ago!!

yeah... that.

so, this week, the song has been "More than Words," (Extreme) and it's taking me back to Senior Week. of college. 1991.

go ahead. do the math. i'll wait...

you with me now? TWENTY YEARS!!! it's been twenty years since i graduated from college!!!

twenty years is a really long time. it actually justifies (in MY mind) the fact that i don't remember more about my four years of college. they were good years. they were not the best years. but i have an overall fond recollection of learning and growing during that time.

my college FAQ:
Ithaca College, class of '91
B.A. Sociology
Dining Hall employee, two years
Collegetown Bagels employee, two years
Three years residence on campus
One year in an apartment on Ithaca Commons
Roommate of girls who used lots of Paul Mitchell hair products
Wearer of oversize Champion sweatshirts
Lover of Division III basketball
Connoisseur of many $5 Long Island Iced Teas

kind of unremarkable, actually. but i'm okay with that, given that i now know that my time to SHINE would come well after graduation. (it's still happening. trust me on this..)

while i still get a pang of remembrance every year around move in weekend, i'm steadfastly ignoring the urgent emails to attend this year's TWENTIETH reunion. my sketchy memories are quite suffcient for me. looking back, my time at IC was a blip in my lifeline. my experience was a springboard for what would come next, but it definitely did not define what would happen.

instead of going to the Finger Lakes and reminiscing about the four years spent there, i'm going to stay home and embrace the twenty years since.

twenty years gone by. a lifetime really.
more than words.

love

one thing that i'm really enjoying about this blogging every day bit (you've noticed, right? that i'm blogging every day?), is the fact that i've started reading blogs every day as well. mostly in a selfish attempt to light a creative spark when i feel like i don't have anything to blog about, but hey! i'm getting back out there.

so, my friend john asked the question, "What do you love about yourself right now?" seems like a perfect thing to muse about today.



I love that I have been able to find a balance between being a working mom and being an engaged, creative mom - that i thrive at planning social events at the hotel, and also at planning meals for my little family. I love that I can go from a revenue meeting in the morning to a recreational evening at the soccer field.

I love that I have found myself again this year, and, despite a few years of frustration and denial, the good in me is intact. I love that I am stronger and leaner and more focused than I was twelve months ago.

I love that I find time to serve my community through Rotary and Communities in Schools. And I love that my son will grow up knowing the importance of these commitments.

I love that I am a runner. I love that!!

I love that my confidence is coming back, and that this has allowed me to open up to new friendships.

I love that I've finally begun to love myself.

not much to say

i don't have much to say tonight.

i am overly agitated, and i really can't put my finger on "why." could be that it's Monday and i had to work with numbers today. could be that i seriously need to order new contacts and i now have a dull headache. could be that my son has used up almost every syllable in the English language tonight, and i am craving silence. could be that i didn't drink enough water today. could be the full moon.

could be that, sometimes, i'm just done. done with the day. done with thinking about work. done with wondering how much money is in the bank account. done with obsessing over those last 120 calories that i probably shouldn't have eaten. done with that pile of stuff over there that has been begging me to sort through it.

done with caring. caring about every hotel guest and how their experience will affect my next day. caring about what the neighbors will think when we raise our voices (which invariably happens every night at 7 pm). caring about what i'm going to wear tomorrow. caring about the fact that we cannot rid the dog of these godforsaken fleas.

caring about where i am and what i'm doing.

maybe i'm done with trying to second guess the grander plan.

could be the full moon.

i don't have much to say tonight.

softball

i am really enjoying blogging every day again. (you noticed, right? that i was blogging every day?) with under two hours to get this one in, i needed someone to throw me a softball of a topic.

a one word meme:
(wanna play along? copy the 30 questions to your own blog and answer each with one word! leave me a comment if you do!)

1. Where is your cell phone? charging

2. Describe your significant other? asleep

3. Your hair? braided

4. Your mother? supportive

5. Your father? enthusiastic

6. Your favourite item? iPhone

7. Your dream last night? sentimental

8. Your favorite drink? water

9. Your dream car? electric

10. The room you are in? library

11. Your ex? doofus

12. Your fear? failing

13. What do you want to be in 10 years? thriving

14. Who did you hang out with last night? family

15. What you're not? alone

16. The last thing you did? craft

17. What are you wearing? pyjayzees

18. Your favourite book? journal

19. The last thing you ate? chicken

20. Your life? evolving

21. Your mood? subdued

22. Your friends? afar

23. What are you thinking about right now? twitter

24. Your car? Trailblazer

25. What are you doing at the moment? unwinding

26. Your summer? beachtastic

27. What is on your TV? football

28. When is the last time you laughed? earlier

29. Last time you cried? august

30. School? ithaca

five minutes for friday

you think you know me...
but do you?

(start)

i try my best to portray the "real me" on my blog and in my other "faceless" social media accounts. i might use a little concealer here and there, or apply an especially glossy lip stick when i feel like i need a little pick me up. but for the most part, what you read is what you get.

in real life...
i like to wake up early and enjoy an hour by myself
i like to stay up late and enjoy an hour by myself
i love to decorate for the holidays, but i hate clutter
i am a fanatic about sweeping my floors, but i hat to vacuum
i never have extra money to spend. ever.
i drink my coffee black, and am never tempted to buy "frilly" coffee shop drinks.
i am generous with hugs for my little man, but not so much with adults.
i like where i am now, but know that this is not where i will live forever.
i want you to think i am thick skinned, but i'm really quite sensitive.
i hate to talk on the phone, but will "chat" with you all hours of the day.
i love receiving compliments, but need to remind myself to give them.
i don't like anything that is artificially banana flavored.
especially strawberry banana yogurt.

(end)

hope you have a great weekend!! (you can have my serving of strawberry banana yogurt!)

overdone

it's been a long couple of days.

10+ (sometimes 14 hour!) days, board meetings, reuniting with old friends, project planning meetings, dinners away from home, soccer practice, school that starts 15 minutes earlier than it did last year.

it's been a long couple of days.

and in the meantime, i'm working out, running, keeping track of my calories.

and also doing a little laundry.

i'm signing off on homework assignments and making sure school lunch is packed.

tonight, i am collapsed on the sofa watching football. within an arm's length are about 27 items that could be picked up and put away. but i'm gonna go ahead and let them sit there. because i am the most incredible kind of tired: bone weary, muscle aching, I FEEL REALLY GOOD ABOUT THE WORK I'M DOING tired.

right now i am overdone. but tomorrow morning, i will ready to do it all again!

a list

today is a doozy!! a fourteen hour doozy!! i literally have about a 20 minute window in which to write a blog post for today. so here it goes:

my friend Patrick gave me the idea to think about the things i'm grateful for. i know sometimes lists aren't the most fun to read, but he reminded me that taking five minutes out of your day to focus on what makes you happy, can truly be a game changer. to me, it is the perfect way to find a calm place in the midst of the frenzy of this day.

i am grateful...

for my health, my family's health

for my job, my husband's job

that i have the flexibility to run out and meet up with two old friends for coffee

for my creative spark that is rekindled every Fall

for phone calls

and tweets

for my body, for the calm that exercise has brought to my life

for strangers who have become friends

for reading time with jack

for dinner around the dining room table, even if it's only a few nights a week

and i'm grateful for you. yes, you.

a test of wills

i knew the challenge was coming when, at 7 am, his bedroom door opened, and i heard the slow shuffle of bare feet towards the living room.

he's up to something, i thought.  he doesn't want to go to church and he is scheming up an excuse.


a stomachache.  not very original, but fairly well executed.  a cuddle on the sofa, a pitiful look in those baby blue eyes.  a whimper.

he is about to throw down the "i'm not going to church" gauntlet.  it's coming.  i'm just going to continue my morning routine. maybe if i don't bring it up, he won't.


breakfast? breakfast will be good.  a bowl of cheerios.  how about some bacon? yes! i love bacon.  can you make it a little crispier, please?

surely he will forget about his upset tummy after eating. the food disappears in an instant. i disappear to my room to get ready.  still, no one has dared to say the word, "church." i count down the minutes until it is time.  "get dre-essed," i sing out.  i am positive, upbeat as i dab on eyeliner.


but i don't FEEL good!!  stomp, stomp, STOMP down the hallway, measured steps that end with a pathetic slump onto the master bed.  i'm not GOING!  i don't FEEL good!

i choose a necklace, measure my breaths in the mirror.  "but you ate breakfast. i'm sure you're fine."


muffled grunts from the lump on the bed, a defiant head shake or two. "uh-huh.  i'm. not. going."

i snuggle up to him, stroke his hair, will the warmth of my body to ease this rigid form that is planted on the bed.


"get OFF of me!" he turns away.  "leave me ALONE!"

moving on, i get dressed in the closet, hear him pry himself off the bed and make haste back down the hallway. i slip on my shoes, and prepare for what's next. i'm not going to yell.  i'm not going to yell. i'm not going to yell...


i'm staying HERE! i'm going to play video games.  you can't make me go!

you need to be dressed and in the car in 5 minutes. i take the dog out for a quick trip around the backyard.  i eye the back of the house, looking for movement, but feeling only defiant energy. back inside, and he has steeled himself for the fight.  i'm not going to yell. i'm not going to yell. i'm not going yell.


i don't see why i should have to go! i'm not! i don't FEEL WELL!!

i haven't yelled, and he doesn't know quite what to make of it. i apply lip gloss, methodically move my keys and wallet to my black purse, empty the remains of my coffee cup into the sink.  i don't make eye contact with him as i walk by.  "you need to be in the car in 5 minutes."


rage, rage, rage. no!!!!!

at the last moment, i grab up all of the remote controls, pull the door shut behind me, breathe deeply as i make my way to the car.  it would be so easy to give in.  i'm tired, too! we could skip this week.  we don't have to do this.


nothing.

i call mat.  this isn't the first time i've called mat from the car.  ican'tdothisican'tdothisican'tdothis.  i'm not going to yell.  but he needs to get out here.  he needs to know that he can't just wear me down with his yelling.  he needs to know that one hour out of his day is not going to ruin the rest of it.


nothing.

i back the car up, positioning for the eventual trip down the driveway.  i can't leave him here.  i won't leave him here. i said be in the car in 5 minutes. he needs to learn that we can't shout ourselves out of things we don't want to do. we need to teach him that.


the back door slams.  it is him.  he is wearing yesterday's clothes.  his hair is not brushed.  but he is here.

we pull out of the driveway, turn towards town.  there is a stony silence, every once in a while, a groan from the passenger seat.  we are heading to church together.


and i did not yell. 

the summer that was...

i feel like this summer was random and cheerful and forever long. it was filled with family and friends and food and fun, and i have to reach waaaaay back and remember how it all started. this summer has been *that good.* (can't you tell by our faces?!?)



i have so many things that i want to remember, and truth be told, i've been working on this post for about a week now. (that's never a good sign, is it?) so, in an effort to "just blog something, dammit!" i give you a little list of things that i will (or won't) explain in further detail in the future:

1. this was the first summer we went to the beach ON MULTIPLE OCCASIONS!! i dare say, we even LOOKED FORWARD TO IT!! there was more than one person who expressed shock and awe when they saw us camped out in the sand more than once.

2. my sister and her family (from Atlanta) were able to spend multiple weeks with us here this summer. we have lots of new memories stored away, but at the top of that list would have to be the afternoon that she and i snuck off for a 9 mile walk. oh, yes... you read that right.

3. jack and i traveled to Charlottesville for a wedding with my parents. it was a most excellent adventure (i live tweeted the entire weekend from the back seat of my parents car!)

4. i ran a lot of miles!! and it was HOT!!

5. i met a twitter/facebook friend and she helped remind me that sometimes it's important to sneak away from work and spend the afternoon drinking sangria on the beach.

6. mat's entire family visited for a week, and i acted like the mature young woman that i have been raised to be. i promise. (they did NOT stay in our house. that definitely helped.)

7. i promised to bring vegetables when a friend invited us over to dinner, and i showed up with mini cupcakes instead. because it was summer! and i am *that* kind of a friend!

8. i finished my year as president of the Rotary Club of Southport!

9. i said good-bye to one of my best girlfriends, as she moved to Rhode Island pursuing a great career move. i'm gonna miss my girls nights out...

10. we spent the night in a beach house, and ran through the dunes to dip our feet in the ocean at midnight, just because we could.

thank you, summer of 2011!!