as i try (really try) to get back into my blogging habit, i've been struggling with that age old question: who am i?
i think the better question is, in this age of quasi-anonymous digital social communications, who do i want you to think i am?
because, honestly, can you know the difference? unless you are my family, or the person i spent my summers with at music camp, or my best college bud, do you really know me? the answer is, of course, no. and, really, those people don't know me.
they think that i'm a fun mom.
they think that i have decent taste in music.
they think that i have faith.
they think that i'm comfortable financially.
they think that i'm happily married.
they think that i'm an inspirational boss.
they think that i'm fit and active.
they think that i'm creative, that i make things with my hands.
they think i've got it together.
and i do. i am! i am all of these things. some of the time.
but most of the time? most of the time i am trying so hard to keep it positive. most of the time i am upset with myself for being short tempered. most of the time i am worried about how to plan and pay for a much-needed vacation. most of the time i am obsessing about the number on the scale.
most of the time, i think you are prettier than me.
that you have more money than i do.
that your family is happier.
that exercising and eating well come naturally to you.
that your kids don't struggle with ADHD and general obnoxiousness.
that you love your spouse unconditionally.
most of the time, i think you are doing a better job than i am.
and my blog posts have reflected that over the past few years. when i do something fun and creative, i blog the heck out of it! i share pictures and smiles and links that rival the smiling faces and handmade goodness that draw me to your blogs.
but lately (can we consider the past 2 and a half years "lately?"), i haven't had as much of that to share. or maybe i have, but i haven't been inclined to blog about it. amuse-bouche is in transition. because i am in transition.
i'm rereading my 100 list today. and maybe working on another one. it's been four years since i took time to jot down those incredibly important 100 things about me. (the sarcasm is real, folks!) i wonder what will make the cut this time. i wonder if i can even rally 100 things?
who am i? i hope you'll stick around while i try to figure this all out. and i'm not just talking about the blog...